Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
