dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
