There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
