You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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