I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
