Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
