thus making me awesome and them whores
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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