Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
