Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
