Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
