I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
