He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
