I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
