so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
