do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
