he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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