Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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