i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
