no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm always down for nudity.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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