just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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