U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
