Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
