A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize