This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i will never coherently bang her
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So squirting runs in the family.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
