i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
