That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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