he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
