Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I lost the right to judge tonight
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
