Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
