he wants to bone in the snuggie
are you so shy because you have an std?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
