I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
