I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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