Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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