You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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