doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
