So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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