Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
