Don't you send me to vm
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
