im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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