At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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