I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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