Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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