I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
