My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize