I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
