I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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