Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
