I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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