I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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