So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
