life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize