Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
