Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
