The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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