the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
