Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
