its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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