I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize