At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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