Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
