i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
