would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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