i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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