i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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