Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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