R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you will always have a special place in my vag
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
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