Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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