I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
